ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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