I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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