Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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