Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
