i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
