u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's the barista slut.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
