those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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