Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
