What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
