My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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