i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
