When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
