We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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