Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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