when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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