we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
