I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
