I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
