How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need a beard to bite.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
