WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
