and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
