hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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