Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
