you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
