the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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