we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
