it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
