I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
