totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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