I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
