I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
