i would punch a child for taco bell
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
