I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
