coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
