I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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