trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
