you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
