My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
