He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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