He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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