i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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