I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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