Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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