Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
worst night to have a conscience
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
