i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
