I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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