Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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