It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
