i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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