I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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