Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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