If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
