U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
