dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
