Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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