I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
