my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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