She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
