the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
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just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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