My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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