i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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