You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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