Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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