we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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