I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have demons in me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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