did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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