Screwed.edu
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
