I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
