I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
