HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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