I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
third nipple confirmed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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