Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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