he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
